Ornaments.

We go all out for Christmas. 

From decorations to gifts, ice skating and cookies. No family traditions are missed this time of year. 

Of course decorating the Christmas tree is our favorite part! We all get a new ornament each year, so there are plenty to look at and reminisce of past years’ hobbies and travels. 

It’s been 8-months since our child has told us that he’s trapped inside a woman’s body and is actually a boy. And this is our first Christmas with a son. 

Unwrapping the ornaments to hang on the tree, I realize that there are several that feature a past photo of him as a girl. 

I quietly open them and tears fill my eyes to the point of overflowing. I blink them away, tuck the ornaments out of view and carry them into a hidden space in my closet dedicated for such treasures. 

A picture of my 9-month-old baby seeing Santa for the first time is captured in a silver round frame with a red ribbon to hang it on our Christmas tree. 

What am I supposed to do with that? It’s still my baby, my firstborn. Do I pretend that it didn’t happen? 

Our transgender son hates seeing pictures of him in his youth. It’s physically painful for him to look at them. 

So, here I am in the most wonderful time of the year carefully removing images of my child on ornaments away from his view. 

It sucks. 

What do I do with these memories, these photos, these ornaments? Discard them? 

The thought of that instantly makes me feel like I’m discarding my baby. But keeping them will make my son feel like I’m discarding him. 

I want him to be happy, so I’ll keep them in that secret place away from his view.

Maybe some day it won’t hurt so bad to look at these past, sweet ornaments.