All Gender Restrooms.

Posted bymelmynilaPosted inUncategorizedTags:, , , , , ,

In the past two years, I’ve been counting the number of businesses that I’ve frequented who have opted for the inclusive “all gender” bathrooms.

Although, “counting” is kind of a generous word as my number is exactly five. 

Photo by The Creative Exchange

Of course, this is in the San Diego area and there may be more or less depending on where you are in the country. But yea, five is my number. 

One museum, one small theatre, and three restaurants. 

I get so excited when I find one of these signs and honestly, it makes me want to be a regular customer.

You may be asking yourself, why would a simple restroom sign make a trans parent happy? 

Well, I’ll tell you… 

It’s the angst of seeing your child stand in between a “women’s restroom” and a “men’s restroom,” unsure of which one they should choose. 

On days when my transgender son was feeling confident in his body, he would opt for the “men’s” room. And on days when the dysphoria weighed heavily over him, he would join me in line for the “women’s restroom.” 

My heart ached anytime he opted to follow me into the women’s restroom. 

The first time this happened, I questioned him and said something dumb and obvious like “why are you going in with the women, you should go in with your dad to the men’s restroom.” 

To which he dropped his head and told me to just “let it go.” 

I stopped asking after that day. I just knew that if he chose the women’s over the men’s, he was having a particularly hard day. 

Can you imagine living in a world where this one simple, basic human need (a place to relieve your bladder) can cause such dread? 

Ugh. It’s so awful to witness, let alone experience firsthand. 

That’s why my heart skips a beat when there’s no decision to be made and my trans son can confidently use the facilities with no underlining nervousness. 

This TransMama would LOVE to see a future where more and more businesses embrace a gender inclusive bathroom approach for their customers. 

Have you noticed “all gender” restrooms in your city? 

2 thoughts on “All Gender Restrooms.”

  1. The place I’ve been that has the most single stall (and labeled as “all gender”) restrooms? New Orleans. WAY more than 5. Although, NOLA is also the place where I went into a “Men’s” single stall restroom and there was ONLY a urinal. So, that was fun…and maybe the only appropriate time to label a single stall restroom as “Men’s”. But everywhere else I go when in NOLA has single stalls labeled as all gender. However, one thing I also saw a lot of were “all gender” signs that tried to be funny, but were actually offensive…signs with the “male” and “female” stick figures, and then a minotaur or an alien…as though someone who is trans or non-binary is still “other” as in “other than ‘normal,’ or that we’re fictional characters, only to be seen in Sci-Fi movies. But…I guess two steps forward and one step back is still progress in the right direction.

    If it will help your son at all…I started transitioning at 42 years old. After just two months on testosterone, I went to the Daytona 500…probably one of the scariest places to be for any LGBTQ+ person to be…NASCAR. I used the men’s room multiple times…looking very much like a “butch lesbian.” Not one guy there batted an eye at me. And there was a LINE to use the bathroom at that race…a long one. I stood proudly in that line. My wife even came over and talked to me about how great it was for the men’s room to have a line for a change. Even with my still high-pitched voice…not one dude even noticed. Over the next few days, I went to Disney World with friends. I used the men’s room. Again, there were lines for the stalls…this time with guys and their children. And again, not one sideways look from anyone. One thing I noticed…men in general have a “no talking and no eye contact” rule in the bathroom. But when with their kids at Disney World…that rule isn’t enforced. As we stood in line for the next available stall, guys would start small talk conversations with me…and still, no one even looked sideways at me. I was nervous as hell, but I made it through and it gave me the confidence to keep going. I hope your son can hold his head high that he belongs in the men’s room, and I hope his confidence in that fact grows with each restroom visit.

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